i can hear it

we hear songs of praise from the ends of the earth, songs that give glory to the Righteous One! but my heart is still heavy with grief.

isaiah 24:16

sounds about right, isaiah. i can hear the songs of praise echoing in my heart. i can hear the songs that give glory to God. and, more importantly, i believe in it. i even try to sing it. maybe to convince myself that i believe it but hopefully my lack of faith will soon begin to wane. the thing is, i can keep singing my guts out "but my heart is still heavy with grief." and that's what i love about this verse.

i can hear the music, the songs. i can feel the power of the Glorious One for whom the sound is intended. and i believe in it with all of my heart but that doesn't stop my heart from being heavy with grief. the combination is ok. it's allowed. and, really, that's all i want. i just want to be ok.

i'm learning. i'm learning that i should have made the decision to be in colorado with my wife. i'm learning and learning sucks. the blunt truth of the whole situation i'm in... the one that leaves me with the state of wyoming separating me from my mourning wife... is that i'm learning. but even if my heart is still heavy with grief - i can hear the music. i can hear it even if it's just the faintest sound... and that's enough.