more humility needed

i'd like to keep this simple. i need more humility and less pride. i am not capable of anything. i have not done anything. i often think i'm strong but i am weak. i am human. i am not God (a real news flash, i know!). i am not good.

and this is all fine with me. i am broken. in my brokenness i am in need of a God who holds it all together. ONE who holds me together. ONE who is the strength in my weakness. ONE who is capable of anything. ONE who is all human and all Creator. ONE who rescues.

i need to be rescued. i need to be reminded that i am not in charge. i am not responsible. and i am not capable of anything without the ONE. my heart is saying, "more humility needed" and i think i'll listen.

story time...

there is nothing like your story. we are all original. we are all unique. we are all lovely. and we all have something to offer.

why don't we share our story? why don't we share our secrets and the rescue that followed? why don't we share our reason for redemption? why do we run from who we are?

i don't understand why i am afraid to tell my story. especially when i already know how it will end. i know that i don't have to be perfect and no one expects me to be perfect. the darkest and ugliest places in my life will, without a doubt, relate to someone else's. and if i share the story of my redemption, or you share the story of your redemption, we could help usher others (even our closest friends) out of the darkest places in their souls.

tomorrow represents the day my Redemption was born. oh what a story! we might as well start sharing our stories in celebration of the greatest story ever lived. now tell everyone the most heartfelt words you know...

antsy is as antsy does

i have a tendency to get really antsy. like today for example, i can't sit still. i can't sit in a chair without my legs bouncing. and i don't know why. of course, i feel the need to always know WHY.

as you might imagine, this antsy feeling weighs on me. as i sit and dwell on it a little bit i find that it is often connected to my desire to live the rest of my earthly life for the will of God. or to put it simply- live each day for God. i want it so bad i can't sit still. i want to live and act like i'm in love with Jesus.

the reality of this is that it is HARD to live differently, to live outside of the comforts i enjoy, to live with a bigger purpose and a bigger passion. i'm occasionally living like a sleepwalker. my cry then becomes, "wake me up! move me. use me. love me. change me." and once again, i'm afraid of what will happen when God hears my cries and begins to respond and answer them. i will HAVE to move and change and act. but i guess there isn't anything better than living fulfilled. i have the freedom to choose... and i choose Jesus and everything that comes along with that choice. may He use me to change the world... and you too.

choose to do good... the most good.

sometimes i have a hard time making decisions. big decisions. little decisions. it doesn't matter. i can't decide which movie to watch or which route to take to the gym or what time to get up (usually the later the better!). i can't decide what dream to follow or what song to listen to or when to say enough is enough...

some of these are petty and some of these have large implications. when the decision matters i struggle the most. what if i choose wrong? what if God wanted me to do something different?

from now on, i'm going to decide on whatever allows me to do the most good. who cares if i get hurt or suffer or even die as long as i do the most good i possibly can in every moment God gives me? i can't decide if this approach seems simple or challenging. it will probably be a little bit of both because sometimes the decision is so easy to make but the path will be filled with challenges. i'll make it as simple as i can... do good for God. wish me luck!

remember the cross

when they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. for you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

1 Peter 2:23-25

i am prone to forgetting about the death Jesus endured on the cross. i can go weeks and even months without remembering or being moved by his soul saving decision to hang from the cross. this should bring me to my knees on a daily basis. his wounds have healed me. now i need to start living with that in my heart. Jesus DID NOT die on the cross for me to spend each day going through the motions! i must act like Jesus and die for him everyday. no more going through the motions... Jesus deserves my best.

a poem i wrote...

Cardboard Blanket

a dime for the poor
and nine dimes for me.
now i've done my part
and their plight i'll never see.

what if i was on the corner,
the street lights as my lamp,
cardboard and newspaper,
the blankets in my camp?

would i prefer the dime
to acknowledging i'm there,
so i could save for whiskey
and drown away your glare?

maybe if i voted right
the new leader'd hear my voice
and poverty would change
from "way of life" to choice.

or maybe i should stop relying
on my vote or someone else
and learn to love the least of these
then rescue them myself.

ask, shut up, and learn

i read something awhile back where the author challenged his readers during conversation. the challenge was to ask questions that allow you to learn about the person in which you are conversing. he said to do this instead of offering up information about ourselves and carrying on about ourselves. essentially, it is a way of saying, "i care about you" or maybe a way of saying, "i want to take an interest in your life."

so i tried it.

and a beautiful thing happened. my friend opened up. he shared his story because i cared. our friendship was strengthened. i learned more about who he is and why he is who he is. by simply closing my mouth and using my ears i was able to let go of my annoying desire to hear the sound of my own voice. such a simple thing- ask questions and shut up. today i succeeded. i hope we can all take a little time to listen and learn about the people around us. it was so easy once i decided to simply be quiet.